Last night I lay in bed and was overcome by how much I missed you. This morning you said hello. Sometimes I wonder how much of a coincidence it could be. Too many times when my nights are kept awake that I find you in the mornings after. Then again I have to remember just as many times do I not find you & life goes on. It’s been 4 years and I wish i could hit restart at the beginning.
Lately my emotions have been getting the better of me. I take deep breaths. I learn to count my blessings. I try to forget.
I am not going to cry while squatting by the main road waiting for my ride.
I want you. I want to throw you against a wall, wrap your legs around my waist and kiss you. Kiss you until we have to stop to catch our breaths. I want you and only you. I want to take you on road trips that lead us to pulling over on the side of the road because we can’t keep our hands off each other. I want you and your flaws. I want your messy makeup from teary eyes as I hold you and talk to you about life. I want the 3am phone calls because you can’t sleep at night. I want to be yours and only yours. I want to taste all your cooking, even if it’s not good, even if it’s experimenting I’d have you cook every meal for the rest of my life. I want you. I want my trembling hands to grab your waist and dance with you in the middle of an empty room. I want to struggle on days when I can’t see you. I want to fight about meaningless stuff that will lead to meaningful sex. I want you. I want your hand to rest on my forearm as we enter a party, so I can reassure you that you are safe with me. I want to sing to you in the shower and have you shut me up with kisses because we both know I’m no singer. I want the ups and downs, the winter and summer days. I want you and only you…
I realize now that the problem is that I tried to run from you. I wanted to hide you, bury you deep inside me so no one would ever see how much of me comes from you. The truth is that you’re a part of me. You’re my favorite part of me.
― You Probably Always Will Be (#607: July 15, 2014)
I try not to live in the past but sometimes the past lives in me.
― Jamie Ford, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet (via splitterherzen)